When did I stop wincing when in pain? When did I stop writhing when pressed down with discomfort? When did I decide that being strong excluded showing weakness? When did I convince myself that when facing challenges, you show no fear? And when did I stop crying when it hurt?

Hope does not exclude times of despair and joy does not occur without shedding tears.

So when did I decide to be strong?

I want to cry every time I hurt. I want to wince whenever I feel pain. I want to writhe whenever I feel pressed down and all around. I want to run whenever I feel fear and I want to no longer be strong.

Be strong in the Lord and in the power of  His mighty power. –Ephesians 6:10 NIV

Where does a warrior go to turn in her sword? Where does she rest her shield? When does she get to kick of her caligae  and loosen up her breastplate?

“If only I had wings like a dove, I would fly away and be at rest.  Yes, I would go far away. I would live in the desert.  I would hurry to my safe place, away from the wild wind and storm.” – Psalm 55: 6-7 NLV

Prayer of One Hurt by a Friend – PSALM 55 Excerpt

Listen to my prayer, O God. Do not hide Yourself from what I ask. Hear me and answer me. My thoughts trouble me and I have no peace,  …

My heart is in pain within me. The fears of death have come upon me.  I have begun shaking with fear. Fear has power over me.  And I say, “If only I had wings like a dove, I would fly away and be at rest.  Yes, I would go far away. I would live in the desert. ⁸ I would hurry to my safe place, away from the wild wind and storm.”

….As for me, I will call on God and the Lord will save me.  I will cry out and complain in the evening and morning and noon, and He will hear my voice.  He will save my soul in peace from those who make war against me. For there are many who fight me.  

 Give all your cares to the Lord and He will give you strength. He will never let those who are right with Him be shaken. … But I will trust in You.